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Dixit Eo
-= Chaos Doomed =-
Inscription le 25-05-02
Messages : 6806
 Age : 115 ans
Lieu de résidence : Dixit Eo
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 07/03/05 20:27
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Tant qu'à faire dans le pitoyable :
Quel est l'animal le plus médiocre ?
La vache, parce qu'elle est bof, hein...
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Maître d'Armes
-= Chaos Servants =-
Inscription le 23-01-05
Messages : 323
 Age : 47 ans
Lieu de résidence : Brüsel (dixit Eo)
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 07/03/05 21:36
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Allez, on reste dans la même veine ...
Qu'est-ce qui est jaune et qui pèse 500 kg?
Un poussin, mais un gros alors ! 
Et quel bruit ça fait, un poussin de 500 kg?
Cui cui (à prononcer d'une voix grâââââve ...)
Bon, d'accord, je n'insiste pas ...
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Fufu existe, je l'ai rencontré
Citation :On ne tombe pas amoureux, on se fait tomber amoureux dessus
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© Skro
Le bonheur, ça s'trouve pas en lingot, mais en p'tite monnaie (dixit Eo ... euh, Bénabar)
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Exécuteur
-= Chaos Servants =-
Inscription le 15-10-03
Messages : 297
Age : 44 ans
Lieu de résidence : LYON
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 07/03/05 21:53
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Citation :Message de ashka
Un poussin, mais un gros alors !
Et quel bruit ça fait, un poussin de 500 kg?
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Je la connaissais mais un peu différente :
Quel bruit fait un poussin de 500kg ?
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on dirait pas mais quand je l'ai entendu j'ai piqué un fou rire d'une demie heure au moins 
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Dernière mise à jour par : maxwell le 07/03/05 21:55
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Grand Troll du Chaos
-= Chaos Servants =-
Inscription le 22-02-05
Messages : 591
Age : 110 ans
Lieu de résidence : StraBburg, Elsass
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 08/03/05 08:49
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-Maman, maman, je peux avoir du chocolat?
-Mais bien sur, ma chérie il est sur l'étagère!
-Mais maman, j'ai pas de bras!
-Ah! Pas de bras, pas de chocolat!
Ou dans le registre de la blame qui tue (pas tellement, en fait)
-Tu sais, pour moi, tu es comme une...sirène.
Mais moitié femme, moitié thon. (comme ça on en a pas fini avec les animaux.)
Lyn
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Dernière mise à jour par : Lyneria le 11/03/05 21:02
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 Lyn, Ministre de l'Environement du CDHL
Apprendie Barmaid du CdC
Soutient Caerbinou dans sa possession du Tablier.
"Cogitum ergot chapo, comme qui dirait."
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Cachée
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Maître d'Armes
-= Chaos Servants =-
Inscription le 23-01-05
Messages : 323
Age : 47 ans
Lieu de résidence : Brüsel (dixit Eo)
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 13/03/05 21:59
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Bon, c'est de mauvais goût, mais tant pis ...
Comment on appelle un chien qui n'a pas de pattes?
On ne l'appelle pas, on le porte 
Ouais, oauis, je sais, je sors ...
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Fufu existe, je l'ai rencontré
Citation :On ne tombe pas amoureux, on se fait tomber amoureux dessus
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© Skro
Le bonheur, ça s'trouve pas en lingot, mais en p'tite monnaie (dixit Eo ... euh, Bénabar)
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Cachée
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Maître d'Armes
-= Chaos Servants =-
Inscription le 23-01-05
Messages : 323
Age : 47 ans
Lieu de résidence : Brüsel (dixit Eo)
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 20/03/05 21:13
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Houla, une semaine que je n'ai pas posté de blague pourrie ... Allez, c'est parti ...
Un papa va dans un magasin de jouet. Il voudrait acheter une barbie pour ça fille. il demande donc à la vendeuse les différents modèles qui existent.
- Il y a la barbie de base, avec juste une robe, les chaussures, et c'est tout. Elle coûte 50€ (je sais plus les prix, ça fait longtemps que j'en ai plus acheté  ). Ensuite, vous avez la barbie princesse, avec la robe de princesse, le diadème, etc ... Elle coûte 75€. Vous avez aussi barbie en camping, avec le camping-car et quelques accessoires. 100 €. Enfin, vous avez la barbie divorcée, qui vaut 500€ ...
- 500€ pour une barbie, mais vous vous moquez de moi???
- Non, non ... Pour ce prix-là, vous avez la maison de Ken, la voiture de Ken, la moto de Ken ...
Voilà, voilà
A la prochaine blague pourrie
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Fufu existe, je l'ai rencontré
Citation :On ne tombe pas amoureux, on se fait tomber amoureux dessus
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© Skro
Le bonheur, ça s'trouve pas en lingot, mais en p'tite monnaie (dixit Eo ... euh, Bénabar)
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Cachée
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Come Bach
-= Chaos Legions =-
Inscription le 28-03-02
Messages : 3646
Age : ???
Lieu de résidence : Paris/Nantes
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 22/03/05 08:26
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George W. Bush not only smiles and waves nicely, always knows the right thing to say, too!
Bush and the Queen at London Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses.
As they ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and other islands.
It shakes the coach.
Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decides that's ridiculous.
She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept myregrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses."
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke with a good old Camel cigarette, when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued to smoke her Camel.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely. She is, after all, over 80 years of age. But very delicately the pharmacist asks Lady 1 what brand she prefers.
The elderly Lady 1 replied "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel".
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Je sais pas pourquoi, mais je sens qu'on va voir une adaptation de celle là en 2007...
Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."
The marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."
The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."
The marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton. I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!"
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-- Président du fan club de Lady Fae --
-- Chaque fois que tu dis lol, Dieu tue un chaton avec un bescherelle. --
"La plus grande victoire de la science sur la religion, c'est le jour où les églises ont commencé à utiliser des paratonerres" (isaac asimov)
Diem Factore, CICV
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Cachée
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Come Bach
-= Chaos Legions =-
Inscription le 28-03-02
Messages : 3646
Age : ???
Lieu de résidence : Paris/Nantes
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 22/03/05 08:28
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je double poste volontairement pour faciliter la lecture
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."
Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."
Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"
The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em all. "Big, small, fat and tall, me sleep with em all."
Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung."
The Chief said: "You damn right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake."
Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile."
The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style, me sleep with em all."
With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear."
The Chief said: "No deer. Ass too high, run too fast."
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The French Leader got a coded message from Bush Administration.
It read: S370HSSV-0773H
The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency.
The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians.
The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.
The Germans, having received this same message during W.W.II from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down ...
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For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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-- Président du fan club de Lady Fae --
-- Chaque fois que tu dis lol, Dieu tue un chaton avec un bescherelle. --
"La plus grande victoire de la science sur la religion, c'est le jour où les églises ont commencé à utiliser des paratonerres" (isaac asimov)
Diem Factore, CICV
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Cachée
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Come Bach
-= Chaos Legions =-
Inscription le 28-03-02
Messages : 3646
Age : ???
Lieu de résidence : Paris/Nantes
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Réponse au Sujet 'Le retour de la blague pourrie.' a été posté le : 22/03/05 08:30
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troisième paquet
TULSA, OKLA -- The Oklahoma Supreme Court has ruled on a case that many legal experts believe clearly delineates the e-mail privacy rights of computer users in the workplace. Judge Stan Musing declared that employees have a right to expect that their employers will refrain from monitoring e-mail messages transmitted on company systems.
The case went to court after programmer Augustus Lindsey's supervisor monitored his e-mail and intercepted a message from Lindsey to a colleague. The message read: "That little sex kitten has been driving me wild. She's moaning and begging for it every minute. Last night I was afraid someone would hear, and we'd be thrown out of the building. But don't worry — all is arranged. Wednesday she gets the knife."
Lindsey's supervisor alerted authorities, suspecting that a crime was in the making. Lindsey was arrested on the spot and spent an uncomfortable night discussing the situation with the police.
However, he was released in the morning, just in time to get his female cat to the vet for spaying. Lindsey sued his boss for invasion of privacy and sought punitive damages as well.
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Thought for today...
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, but absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground-level.
So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I am a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need some close-up shots."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"
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LITTLE OLD LADY
A good looking biker stops by the Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. Next, he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home.
The owner said, "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand."
"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.
But in the parking lot, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes, Lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
P.S. : désolé pour ceux qui captent pas l'anglais, mais j'ai la flemme de tout traduire...
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-- Président du fan club de Lady Fae --
-- Chaque fois que tu dis lol, Dieu tue un chaton avec un bescherelle. --
"La plus grande victoire de la science sur la religion, c'est le jour où les églises ont commencé à utiliser des paratonerres" (isaac asimov)
Diem Factore, CICV
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Age : 97 ans